A rant, A vent, my anti-COVID sentiment!
(bonus)-ending with hope!
The Rant
I would have gone about my day without ranting over here if at all Facebook had not sent this throwback picture.
And that made me think-
In a perfect world, I would have been sitting at the beach right now…
waves kissing my feet, receding and coming back again to kiss my pedicured, soft feet with dark purple toenails.
Cool breeze flicking my shampooed and conditioned hair, tossing it around amorously …
The less overpowering, tender sunshine drenching my soul with warm and soothing hope …
But no such thing is happening! I am here — tapping the keyboard with rough fingers having chewed on, unkempt nails.
My hair scrunched tight in a ponytail and shower will have to wait till I pour my heart over here!
*Bleep* you COVID!
What is wrong Suman, what has gotten into you?
The same that has happened to all of you!
Corona came,
Corona spread,
Corona confined us!
And left us all to figure things out all over again.
a major source of income gone!
Source of income — Vapourized- or should I say COVIDIZED!
Last night, I couldn’t shut my eyes even for a minute.
One reason was I had a couple of hours of nap.(oops)
Psst.. do not tell my mom, but I sleep in the daytime and work at night because it is peaceful!
Let’s admit it, we all are having an overdose of family time. I need my peaceful undisturbed time to write some shit!
I do not want people who share my DNA to be crawling and creeping around me all the time- the tiny ones asking me favors, and the mother-coaxing me to eat.
Anyhow,
I need my oh so sweet soulful solo time.
*Flashback*
The me-time vacation last year
Last year I went on a week-long solo trip — an ayurvedic retreat thingie! It was located at the most relaxing, soulful location at Rishikesh, in the northern side of India.
It was five days of holistic and naturalistic living in nature. With Ayurvedic massages and plant-based food.Bliss!
Oh, those soul-soothing ayurvedic massages!
How they drenched my body with aromatic warm oil and my stress melted away…
I had worked as a spa therapist at a spa in Boston downtown some 14 years ago.
From being a therapist to being the one getting the therapy — I have come a long way!
*Flashback* over
So I digressed, where was I?
Yes, I was whining about COVID.
The vent continues…
Yesterday it finally dawned on me that life is not the same as it was before March 2020.
The world is seeing a recession and I am witnessing my own personal recession too.
Of income,
Of human connections, (not family, but the ones outside)
Of mental strength.
I am among those who are slow in letting situations affect you. Worry, tension and panic do not happen to me when it’s happening to everyone around me.
That is my talent and stupidity all rolled in one. Worry dawns on me when it starts to wear off from everyone else!
And one day, it wriggles its way into my head. Yesterday was one such day.
Yesterday, the nag got in my mind- my work life outside the house is no more! The retirement plan looks unpromising and a career that was shaping up fine outside of the house among real people seems undoable now.
Writing has been my side hustle past one and a half years.
But the idea of living with my bums pressed against the chair for the rest of my life doesn’t excite me right now. Do not get me wrong — I love writing!
But I also love speaking, I love being among real people who clank the glasses with you and pass remarks about your weight gain. I love those people! Can I be among them again, please- maskless?
I know you may suggest speaking on skype, zoom, webinar! Gee enough with that advice!
I love to speak in front of living, breathing three-dimensional people in all shapes and sizes. These digitized flat-screen versions of people all look the same.
What am I to do now?
I do have tons of choices, you see.
I can cry my heart out and swim, slither, and slide in the pool of my tears.
I can post “*bleep* you COVID” messages all over my social media if that can bring some respite.
But I know that will not bring any solace and I will simply be contributing or nourishing the hopelessness and worry that people reading those hate messages may be feeling.
Great Suman! Where is the social responsibility?
Yea, I know, I know!
If I cannot alleviate pain, who am I to cause it !
So for the sake of humanity (me included), I decided to pick myself up, dust myself off and build a sort of new, well me!
Emotions drive us!!
As a practitioner of emotional intelligence, I have applied its principle to the normal challenges that life brought…
Parental challenges,
Marital challenges,
virtual-life-online challenges,
client-vendor relationship challenges,
friendship challenges,
mother-daughter challenges…
Never in the wildest of my dream had I ever imagined I would be sorting a microbe-brought-challenge in my life.
But as I said I am picking myself and sorting it just the way I sorted a lot of challenges in my life-
Arranged marriage! (stop smirking),
Transitioning from Bihar to Boston and then Bombay!
Midlife crisis ( of a different sort, if you are an Indian woman with an arranged marriage.)
Being cheated out of my money (conniving asses)
Marriage ( oh please!)
The Hope
Yet again — I am so dusting myself off and picking myself up!
I recalled what went well!
Universe has really taken good care of me so far!
I went on a trip to the USA last year with my kids and mother- something I had wished to do for mom for a long time!
Law of attraction works.
What you believe you achieve!
By the way, my kids' pictures are missing because I do not have the permission to share their pics in my blogs. I do not want to increase my challenges. ;)
That was a planned family time together! So we did well!
Not like this unplanned, forced, overdose of family- time battling days when 5 of us growl at each other!
Despite that, this tour down the memory lane has really helped me pick myself up!
And made me realize-
When the going gets tough…
the tough needs to put her shit together and get going!
As a true content creator-
I am pasting my seaters to the chair!
And WRITE TILL MY FINGERS TURN SORE!
#Day1
stay tuned!
